Archive for the Malaysia: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love th Category


Posted in dug up stuff, Malaysia: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love th on March 19, 2008 by chamome


Mish and I spend at least an hour a day talking about you and me, well me mostly [FAG], so see! not forgetting about you despite the te tarik and the roti dhal [……………………],,, or roti canai [Was I a foodie? *mockshock*]. This is all turning into my staple snack [ok, am excused- think about the audience]. It’s um, um pastry (?) disc but folded kinda anyway you dip it in dhal or something else. mmm

The thing I like the most about the Indian or Tamil restuarants here is that you eat with your right hand, I mean they’ll give you cutlery but I so would never use it- if I’d used a fork or spoon in the Chinese restaurant I’d’ve looked American and I wouldn’t be on the way to learning how to use chopsticks properly. I swear there are so many gay couple tourists round here, but Mish doesn’t believe me unless they’re cute! hm. [:D]

I have to say it cos I know i’m not allowed any secrets even in writing: [deep]

I feel like I could live here [already], and like England is this far off country where you’re constantly being robbed, paying huge prices to live in unastounding surroundings where people ahve to drink an… I don’t know, but if England’s all grey and too expensive, it’ll just seem so weird to come back to my homeland only the reject my own culture as extortionate and lacking. I don’t miss the forests where I live [I do and they’re outside], or the smell of pinetrees after it’s been raining, I don’t miss Bovril [me either], don’t miss trifle, don’t miss alcohol, don’t miss my room, the trains, the beggarlady I give money to, ‘Tonight with Jonathan Ross’ [yeh he can die], ‘Green Wing’, the Big Issue, churches or powershowers, my dogs or the Aga [that’s cos you never cooked you lazy brat], don’t miss London, Heaven [more power to you!], my back garden, Golden House takeaway, cheddar or Winchester, the things I do miss about home are [here we go] Rabbit the Dog and what I feel like when you hold onto me, when you have your hand on the small of my back and I can feel your breath against my skin, lips, the heat we make. I miss your eyes, your expressions, I miss your beautiful [tiny] hands, I miss tryng to wake you up in the mornings so that I can feel you again and feel what it feels like again and again and again and again [yeh, alright chap!], I miss making you smile and making you bite your bottom lip.

Today we woke up at eight I read your messages and it looks like you haven’t been getting mine, who knows?

The first thing we did was…

go to pasah- market- where the fish were so fresh they were jumping, which confuses me since we’re up in the mountains… will ask Misha. Anyway, we bought a bunch of mini pisang- bananas, and some mata kuching which means cat’s eye. They have hard casing and are like lychee inside. So we went to the park where kid Misha used to play, sat on a bench and ate cats’ eyes and mini bananas. Then we went to the bus station to catch one to Brinchang which is near Chifu school where kid Mish used to go, but we have to wait an hour so we go buy some mangosteen which are lush, I had a tastegasm. [could live off them] So we have this bag of like 25 and we walk up the hill to this v British building which is a convent school where Mish’s sisters (twins) went before they joined him at Chifu Methodist Missionary School (hm.) We take a few photos then see a massive AWAS sign with all these Malay words underneath that we can’t decipher so we go back down the hill [smart move] and have some roti at the Kumars with teh tarik, just as we’ve finished getting dhal out from under out right hands’ fingernails an American girl called Amelia is sat down next to us:

A- This Is So Random, Hi! I Just Picked Up These Guys, I Have No Idea,,, I Guess They’ve Picked Me Up, Hi! I’m Amelia, Who’re You?


A-Misha. And?

R- Rory

A-Roy, Hi Roy

R- ihateyou. RoRy

A-Is This Your First Time Here?

M- No, I used to live here.

A-Oh, Interesting… Are You Two Brothers?

M-No, no, just friends, not related.

A-Oh? *raises eyebrows*

–interlude as she’s given menu–

A-So, Is It Your First Time Here Then, Roy?

R-ireallyfuckinghateyou Mish, we really ought to go, look at the time! Nice meeting you, Melanie! See you around! hopetheyfindyouinaditch

So, we get on the bus which is falling apart and wicked! costs us RM1 to go to Brinchang and the road is so windy I have really good thighs right now!

Brinchangs’ on a hill, Chifu’s at the bottom, about a ten minute walk from the main road. On the way we walked past about 300 cars maybe, in various degrees of disrepair then we get to Chifu gate which has AWAS ANJING [beware of the dogS]

soooo casually walk along a very pristine drive, cliff on the left rising up into rainforest and on the right, plunges down into a valley and stream thru more rainsforest. Misha went to school in the rainforest. Halfway along the drive two butterflies are dancing around each other in the air, it was one of those moments I don’t like to take pictures of, or describe too much, cos a photo couldn’t get it, a film’d debase it and it’s beyond any words I know anyway. If that sounds really PSEUD just visit the Cameron Highlands already, then tell me I’m up my own ass with Sesationalism.

Misha’s school is now a Methodist retreat, when we reached the school we could hear people singing hymns to a guitar- it was sweet.

We had a wander around, no one bothered us- it’s amazing how far a blonde smile gets you round here- and I saw where kid Misha played hopscotch, cleaned out a fountain, had school dinners, the girls’ dormitories where he snuck in to visit his sisters. I felt like I was feeding off his memories, he says I must’ve stolen some of his mind cos I recognised the owner of the Kumar restaurant and randomly said whilst walkng from Chifu to Brinchang “it’s so cool to’ve come back”

Oh I completely forgot! Earlier, after the convent and before Ameeeeeeeeeeeeeliaaaaaaaaaaaa we went up the hill to a Chinese temple- this is in Tanah Rata- keep wanting to call this place Tabula Rasa [nice. white devil] – it was new, looked new. I picked a flower that looks like a ForgetMeNot ish and if it hasn’t fallen out, it should be here *

Did I mention that it was so chilly today that we wore jumpers? [good style.]

Anyway, it showered on us walking back to Brinchang and this pastor, called DESMOND LEONG WENG CHEONG ( who we met at Chifu picked us up in his car and drove us to the Chinese Temple in Brinchang. [curiouser and curiouser]

Buddhist temples are fascinating, for a religion that rejects materialism, they go all out but then its presence everywhere made me see its passing nature [and that’s why I got into Oxford] We took off our shoes and decided to reflect. Misha used to go there with his mum, who’d meditate. I think it was just as spiritual an experience for me as having services in the Cathedral in Winchester. But there that was about being one of many, the drive you get being in a crowd, a pack- like when I used to get all tribal at Win:Co:Fo games back at Coll:, whereas in this temple in Brinchang it was spiritual with just myself alone. It was raining so hard outside.

You know I always regarded sex as v spiritual when younger and I see how gross it can be, in the circles I’ve moved in [not like that], how selfless it can really be. That’s spirituality with two people, anyway here I was seemed like I was alone and I was suddenly seeing the world like a little globe. See myself kneeling there and then the temple, Brinchang, the Highlands, Malaysia, SEAsia, India, zooming out more and more and this line from my heart round the curve over the Near East, Europe, Britain, England, SE England, Eltham just there your house and you sitting on your bed [not in front of 8 Simple Rules as usual] and I can see your heart lit up inside you all beating and pulsing with the line that curves around the world- can see your heart bubbulah.

Imagination’s a great thing and today it was vivid, you’d jus got up, hair like it is, all shiny and light.

Misha buys a happy jade Buddha outside the temple- he had one as a child but it lost itself- and the guy carves his name into it in characters. We walked thru a sort of shanty town back to Brinchang centre where we ate in a Chinese restaurant which was kinda expensive!! Then we went to the bus stop and found we had one hour. We went up the street to a fruit stall- [drum roll]

Seeing as I’d had v good experiences with fruit here in Malaysia I had no problem with buying a DURIAN- big prickly fruit bout the size of a football, just with big FuckOff spikes on it and heavy like a bowling ball. we got it but open and went to sit on the steps with the locals to eat it. “DON’T EAT DURIAN AND DRINK ALCOHOL” was the general advice.

We took some, ate some and

Durian aka the King of Fruit











whoever could like this???


*eyes water*

wanna vom

“hm. I don’t think I like this”

seriously, the thought of the smell, the texture (funky custard) oh god I feel sick just remembering it.

we dumped it in a bin [like Amelia} and looked around for a taxi to take us back to Tanah Rata so we could go to Kumars and get some teh tarik and roti canai to cleanse our mouths and wash our hands.

Ugh. just shivered





durian 😦

On the way back to Doc’s house we looked for papaya for breakfast tomorrow. we found some, we also found this dog who followed us aorund for an hour, eventually we fled into the tourist office where the guy said:

“I see you run away from dog many times.”

and then

“I never see this dog before.”

So it was obviously a spirit guide!

xie xie

Doc Liao likes durian (BLECH!)

I can’t stress how putrid, how much like rotting flesh it is! Only Misha says rotting flesh’s sweeter and he would know. [autopsies]

We go to D’Channai for dinner and Desmond finds us asks us where our girlfriends are, are we depressed about being out of the cup, and blesses us.



Posted in dug up stuff, Malaysia: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love th on March 19, 2008 by chamome

get up at 8, shower, go out into Chinatown, have Chinese porridge [in Chinatown?!?!?!?!?!] for breakfast [in the morning?!?!?!?!?!?!], ‘zhi chok’- fish porridge , is the best meal I’ve ever had in the morning time! drink black tea with it, costs RM1 [ur pathetic]

check out hotel

catch bus to Cameron Highlands to Tanah Rata where Misha used to live

realise I’m jetlagged about halfway into this 5hr journey when I can’t keep my eyes open despite the windy roads.

Get to Tanah Rata, call Dr Liao who we’re staying with, he’s at work so we go have lunch in Restoran Kumar, roti and dhal and a lamb curry with black tea. Misha’s memories’re flooding back, is so bizarre to think he used to live here!

After lunch, walk up to where his flat was. By his home is a v v v v tall water tower which we climb and can see right across the jungle to the mountains we’re going to climb on Thursday. Come back down verrrrrrrrry slowly and meet Dr Liao at a different Indian restaurant, get in the car to his house where I discover he’s learning Japanese so try to remember everything I learnt but can only come up with nihongo tsu go i ne which is almost complete gibberish,

chat like forever about everything (will catch up later, we’re off to a market then Mish’s old school)

HELLO! so after chatting forever we go to dinner in nearby Brinchang where we go to Chinese restaurant for a steamboat which is a giant pot of boiling water which you cook thangs in like bokchoi, prawns, watercress, chicken, bla… apparently I was using my chopsticks like a ‘spastic’ and Dr Liau has now taught me how to eat with them [never ‘spas’ again Doc] like theydo in ‘proper Chinese culture’ and am getting quite good now! oh yeh to drink we had, get this [nudge nudge], fresh carrot juice mixed with milk—— not as rank as you might think but undoubtedly not as good a drink as ‘te tarik’ which is tea made frothy with condensed milk. it is I think the most delicious hot drink ever. [alcoholic] Actually. MMM!! [fag]

then we go back to Doc’s house and go to bed pretty much straight away- he goes to his ‘Japanese teacher’s house’ to ‘pick somthing up’ ….HMMM. Mish’a da thinks he’s Geh but all we’ve found as evidence is a men’s fitness from 1995 with Matt LeBlanc on the front nect to the words “A Single Guy’s Guide to Thanksgiving” 😦 lol.

“Excitement. Amazement. Tranquility. Fascination. Malaysia.” Japanese Ad


Posted in dug up stuff, Malaysia: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love th on March 18, 2008 by chamome

we arrive into KL in the dark so all I can see are the lights and there aren’t as many as I’d thought there would be. And how will I be feeling when I’m flyinf away from those lights, coming home to you! [oh, I know how you’ll be feeling you lovejunked puppy…]

Get on this air train to get to baggage reclaim, v space age hahahahaha! get bag, entry visa, get on KLIA express train to KL central, all the adverts are in English, people chatting in English and only using Bahasa Malaysia for slang…

Misha meets me at the train station and we get into taxi and drive to Chinatown where our hotle is, so many things to see in KL but we’re coming back later. McDonald’s, Nando’s, and Dunkin’ Donuts… Mish has to go into a McD’s to get change for a 50 cos everything’s so cheap (more on that later)

Check into hotel, I notice all the pink decor, phones, bedspreads, liftdoors… Jalan Petaling is the street name.

Go out into Chinatown and buy rambutan, totally hairyspikysofthard shell with like lychee inside- buy like 50 for RM2 (33p),,, go along towards the Night Market and eat nasi rice goreng fried and drink FROTHY sweet tea, mmm condensed milk haha!! [NONE FOR YOU.]

Then we go to Jalan Street Shah/Khan King [like Shah Jahan,,,] where they’re settin gup for a parade and stand by the talles flagpole I ever saw and look at the skyline, the Petronas Towers, the KL Tower, even Maybank’s building is impressive.

go to bed. after shower.


Posted in dug up stuff, Malaysia: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love th on March 18, 2008 by chamome

I did the emo one tear cry, well like a couple of tears right after I glimpsed you wave goodbye- it sort of upset me that I thought you hadn’t seen me see you… anyway, it wasn’t full-blown sobbing, just leaking eyes but I felt like doing so much more, X this lady gave me a grin and a thumbs up which was cool. [wtf]

I don’t think I spent very much time after security really, apart from getting to the Gate. On the gate there was this man who looked a lot like Noel Edwards/Edmunds/Houseparty and in the seating area were like MILLIONS like of like women in hijabs [generic ignant term, :s] – which is v bizarre cos the whole point is that you Don’t stare at them but I kept locking eyes with these random, kohl-smeared women because that’s the only part of them you can see, see? -also was this Canadian girl who was so v whiny on the phone

flight’s cool, am sat in a two seat bit next to this guy who looks a bit like Mr T with that beard and everything and he laughs Real loud when he spills orange juice all over himself… food good, Emirates good!

We don’t actually take off till half eleven (hr late) and so arrive in Dubai, where it’s morning and dusty and baking, late which means all the passengers to KL get corralled into this little herd and marched to the gate, and we get on a much more budget plane where I have a seat next to this African guy who just reeks and has no idea about personal space but we have a cool chat before he, like, passes out midsentence or something.